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The Ra-Ra Skirt

Article by
Jessica Chivers

“One thing I love about the age I am now is I know the ra-ra and puffball skirt are WRONG,” said the sparky thirty-something solicitor with a gleam in her eye. And whatever the story behind that wardrobe mishap it’s true that with age comes learning about what suits us, way beyond what we wear.

I asked a handful of women in their 30s about aging and their thoughts on what being 40 might be like. They responded enthusiastically and with confidence about a more self-assured woman who’d wear ra-ra skirts with bells and knobs on if she felt like it!

And that’s what I wanted to share to move your mind and make you smile this month.

LOVING MY AGE

Your spontaneous expressions of what’s good about the age you are now reflect a pride in knowing who you are, what works for you and being masters of your lives. I find it satisfying and encouraging that the answers transcend age in that they were as likely to come from a twenty-something as a 51 year old.

Here’s what ten women said:

  • I love the self awareness I’ve developed and that it allows me to make good decisions
  • I love my sense of confidence and mastery
  • I understand myself better than I have ever done before
  • I have the confidence, skills and experience to say NO and never do anything I don’t really want to ever again
  • I have found the perfect relationship
  • I don’t apologise for being me – I am who I am. I don’t try to be someone else, I’m happy in my skin.
  • I am more independent than I have been at any other age
  • I feel young enough to be youthful with more to learn, see and experience, but old enough to know who I am, what I believe and what I want out of life
  • The experience, knowledge and confidence that come with age – allowing me to help others.

BETTER IN 10 YEARS

With every woman I coach we begin by sketching out how she wants things to be different in say six months, a year or some other time she defines. After this we start unravelling what behaviours, attitudes, beliefs and ways of thinking she might need to tweak, adopt or learn to make it happen. I always feel privileged to hear her aspirations and anxieties and even more so when she comments how wonderful it is to bring them out without judgment or embarrassment.

So I went on to ask my ten women what they think will be better in ten years time and my biggest smile came from a resilient and determined speech and language therapist who declared, “I shall still be laughing and trying to be the best I can but still not giving a tinker’s curse what anyone thinks.”

And whilst others shared similar sentiments, half of you focused firmly on the family element of your lives:

  • The questioning of parenting “right” and “wrongs”
  • I will be less harried as I am with very young children
  • I’m hoping to have my very own family
  • I should hopefully look less tired as my baby will be older! But also, I should hope that I am an old hand in this child rearing business.
  • Being even surer about what’s good for me, what I’m good at and the best place to put my energies
  • I will have developed a rich inner life and with that the ability to prioritise my wants and needs
  • My knowledge and perspective – life gets richer as you age.
  • Knowing where I am with my career
  • I will be more self aware and hopefully more comfortable in my own skin
  • Caring even less about what other people think about me – allowing me to enjoy being myself even more.

BOTOX AT 40?

My final request asked for a thought on life at 40 and this yielded talk of botox as well as continued health and happiness. Whether botox flows from being happy or vice versa, I don’t know.
Others said ‘I wish’ (to being 40, not personal experience of botox and happiness) whilst one focussed on being more community-minded and another on becoming more accomplished in her field with the recognition to boot.

And finally we can all take heart in one woman’s drive ‘to continue to make the most of everything, to keep doing what’s good for me and to always to believe I can do anything I set my mind to.’

With a proactive and positive attitude now and in the future,

Jessica

About the author

Name: Jessica Chivers
Email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Website: http://www.beyoubutbetter.co.uk

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