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Transformers vs. Bridesmaids
Transformers 3 vs. Bridesmaids
This week, on account of various ailments and a general disdain for warm weather and tennis, Andrew and Faith have served up a two-for-one film review for Transformers 3 and Bridemaids – two of the summer’s biggest blockbusters!
Kristen Wiig stars as Annie in Bridesmaids – charged with overseeing a colourful troupe of bridesmaids in the run up to her best friend’s big day, while Shia LaBeouf returns as friend-to-the-robots Sam Witwicky in the massive 3D action movie Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
Andrew says:
Remember when it was rare that a film had a running time in excess of two hours? Back when a large popcorn would last through the film, not just the epilogue. When worrying about deep vein thrombosis setting in was never a factor when choosing which film to see?
Well Michael Bay and Judd Apathow clearly don’t, as despite being vastly different films, both Transformers 3 and Bridesmaids suffer terribly from vastly inflated running times – Now I’m all for value for money, but when you need physio to literally prise yourself out of your cinema seat, something has gone horribly wrong!
While unfair to directly compare the two massively different films, when it comes down to sheer entertainment, the Bridesmaids have Optimus Prime and co. well and truly battered. Despite it’s flabby length, Bridesmaids managed to keep me entertained throughout with comedic set pieces nicely interspersed with the inevitable soppy moments necessary in such a tale.
Transformers 3 on the other hand just went on, and on, and on, with loud bang replaced with louder band occasionally offset by a lingering shot of a model’s bum. I often feel the quality of a film can be easily gauged by the frequency at which you look at your watch. It’s fair to say, me and my watch are now very well acquainted. I could probably even tell you the number of individual stiches that make up the strap.
Much has been written about how Bridemaids is addressing the gender imbalance in comedy thanks to the six female leads, one of who co-penned the script. And while I would agree this is true, it’s never at the cost of laughs.
In fact, Bridesmaids is as vulgar a comedy as The Hangover or 40-Year-Old Virgin ever were. (No bad thing in my book, though admittedly not for everyone.) It may not win awards for originality, and certainly shan’t be troubling Oscar come awards season – but for laughs alone it’s well worth a visit. All the actresses on show were also clearly on top of their game, with Kristen Wiig in particularly fine form.
For all the good work that Bridemaids has done for female empowerment on the big screen, Michael Bay manages to undo it all in a single shot that introduces the world to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Or rather, her bum. Her beautifully lit and impeccably shot bum. You could almost sense the cinema divide into two camps, the tutters and the whoopers. I shan’t disclose which camp I was in, while I suspect Faith won’t need to.
There’s no denying the sheer spectacle that Transformers 3 provides. The special effects are nothing short of astonishing, the 3D is a marked improvement on the last few summer blockbusters that have lazily employed it (though whether it truly enhances the viewing experience is an arguable point) and if I was a teenager again, I’d probably think it was the BEST. FILM. EVER.
Cars that turn into robots that save girls with lovely bums – what’s not to love?… Alas, I now demand a little narrative for my money, or at the very least an attempt at one. The film starts promisingly enough, and it almost feels like some thought and consideration has been given to the story, but then it appears all confidence is lost and Plan B comes into effect.
Unfortunately Plan B consists solely of bangs, booms and banging booms. It’s not even a film you can sit back and turn your brain off for – it’s far too loud for that.
It always amazes me that among the thousands who work on a £250 million behemoth such as this, it appears not a single person seems to raise the fact that the plot’s holier than the pope’s colander. Madness, utter madness.
Right Faith, your turn.
Faith says:
You’d think it’d be an open-and-shut contest really. In one corner we have an ENORMOUS budget, 3D, visually stunning, special effect and fancy car-cum-robot laden action movie boasting a supermodel and a fair few Oscar winners, while in the other corner we have the relatively low-budget, non 3D, non-big-name, non-fancy car, non-3D, should-be chick-flick.
Yet Bridesmaids defeats the Decepticons as surely as the Autobots were always going to. The reason is simple: no amount of special effects and robot wars can make up for the fact that the latest Transformers movie, Dark of the Moon, is too long, too dull, and has some of the worst lines, and indeed ‘acting’, that I’ve ever had to sit through. The film is more than two-and-a-half hours long, and it really didn’t need to exceed 90 minutes. By comparison, Bridesmaids is quirky, cringe-worthy, has just the right amount of twee hints at the happy-ever-after, and is very, very funny (although also a tad too long, as Andrew says).
Watching Bridesmaids, more of the laughing was coming from the guys than the girls in the audience, who were definitely responsible for the horrified gasps of mortification – immediately dismissing the ‘chick flick’ label. The film’s been dubbed this year’s Hangover, and it is so much funnier than the poor sequel to The Hangover that it’s hard to argue with that description.
Kristen Wiig, who co-wrote the movie, and stars as Annie, has presumably faced her fair share of horrendous wedding-guest scenarios because some of the situations unfolding on scene are a little too close to the bone:
…the perfect ‘new best friend’ desperate to out-do Annie, the desperation to please everyone while keeping her own sanity, and of course, the sub-plot where Annie’s own quest for true love sees her perpetually succumb to the unpleasant and egotistical commitment-phobe Ted (Jon Hamm) while failing to acknowledge the obvious charms of kindly cop Nathan Rhodes (Chris O’Dowd) – these ring all too true.
The antics of the fittings, the bridal shower, the bachelorette party and the wedding itself will strike a chord with bridesmaids everywhere, while for those of us who aren’t married, it should serve as a massive deterrent!
While some of the humour was too crass for me, it’s certainly gone a long way when it comes to showing guys that Bradley Cooper and Co don’t have the last word in pre-marital bad behaviour.
I’m going to have to say something more about Transformers I guess…
The latest installment (and I hope last) sees the Decepticons up their quest for world domination, enlisting the services of former Autobot Sentinel Prime to help bring their own planet, Cybertron, to Earth and make us humans their slaves – seriously, 150 minutes in these robots’ company is more than enough.
Naturally, the Autobots (and there are more than ever before) are determined to fight back, and Shia LaBeouf returns as unsung hero Sam Witwicky to help them in their quest. LaBeouf can play this part in his sleep now, and it’s no hardship for him – fast cars, massive toys and hot love interests must make it a very appealing gig. But it’s time to call it a day.
The once-entertaining parents that made for a little light relief have now turned into parodies of themselves, and his previous love interest, played by Megan Fox, has been replaced by model Rosie Huntington-Whitely, who needs to not act again.
It’s a travesty really, as the supporting cast, including Patrick Dempsey, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand and even Buzz Aldron, is immense. But some poor casting decisions and terrible script-writing make what could have been a huge hit into a tedious, expensive waste of time.
In conclusion, Andrew recommends seeing Bridemaids while Faith advises boycotting any flash cars that look like they might try and kill you.
Was Bridesmaids a hit with you, or is Transformers more your scene? Share your thoughts below…
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About the author
Name: Be Fabulous
Website: be-fabulous.co.uk
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