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Question – What sabotages potential more than any other factor?

The answer is self-doubt. I didn’t feel 100% confident writing about this topic (!) because of our often closed British culture, but it is a topic that I feel passionately about and which comes up in ALL the coaching I do.

With more people applying for less jobs and competition getting hotter in business, it would be a real shame if you stopped your own success. Research shows that over 85% of people suffer from low self esteem or self doubt. So why is this?

We live in a culture where it is thought egotistical to sing your own praises when actually if you don’t, you miss out. It’s as simple as that. There is a big difference between confidence and arrogance. So what causes self doubt? There are many factors, and often the seeds are sown when we are very young. We create limiting beliefs and then look for evidence for the rest of our lives to support these beliefs. It’s a bit like a snowball. It starts small and gathers snow and gets bigger the more we roll it.

Common causes of self-doubt

• Being criticised by a parent or teacher when young and not feeling good enough
• Not being acknowledged and made to feel special for who we are
• Not being heard or given enough time and attention in our busy world
• Being rejected or excluded – from the sports team, passed over for promotion etc
• Naturally thinking negatively – it’s just how your mind works
• Being a perfectionist and setting impossibly high standards
• Spending time with ‘toxic’ people who make themselves feel good at the expense of others by putting them down.

Self doubt has huge ramifications – on success, on health, on happiness, fulfilment and relationships. In a nutshell because energy follows thought and as everything is interconnected, because we doubt ourselves, we plant a seed of doubt in others and create/reinforce what we most fear – a vicious circle.

Common impacts of self doubt

• You don’t set up the business you really would love
• You don’t put yourself forward for the dream job or promotion you really want
• You don’t ask for help or advice
• You don’t contribute a great thought in a conversation and kick yourself when someone else does
• You get a small pay rise that is less than you deserve because you didn’t speak out
• You create anxiety, stress and even illness worrying about not being good enough
• You put up with just ok friendships and relationships that don’t really give you what you need and want
• You are needy in relationships with others, expecting them to fill the gaps in your confidence and help you feel ok about yourself

No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent, never give it. Eleanor Roosevelt

For me, no-one expresses about the benefits of overcoming self doubt better than the great man, Nelson Mandela:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Good luck with your journey!

Rachel Brushfield is a director at Energise, The Talent Liberation Company. Energise provide bespoke programs to unlock people potential and helps people to change career and work better. Rachel specialises in career reinvention.

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