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Difficult conversations

When budgets are limited and business growth is needed, one of the best and yet hardest things to achieve this is having performance management conversations to tackle under performance. In a growth economy, it is easy to leave the issue of tackling poor performance because it has less of an urgency. Failure to have those awkward but necessary conversations with employees can leak profit away, so it is an important skill to master with huge benefits.

Mastering the skill also makes people feel good and done well actually engages employees. A ‘win win’ can be achieved. In the past, before I knew how to tackle difficult conversations, I would do anything to avoid them, even dusting light bulbs felt more appealing! Some of the biggest highs I have had at work have been tackling difficult conversations and achieving a successful outcome. A coaching client helped shift my perception – she said: “Resolving a conflict with someone is a great opportunity to build a stronger relationship.” She was right.

So what conversations are line managers avoiding?

Difficult conversations in business include: under performance by employees, inappropriate behaviour and telling employees that they are being made redundant. The longer these issues remain unaddressed, the bigger the negative impact on the organisation’s performance. Equipping line managers to handle difficult conversations well and early improves performance and minimises employee disengagement as they know where they stand and what they need to change.

Research by Portsmouth Business School with 600 coaching and HR specialists and their line managers (published May 2009) shows that a key inhibitor for line managers is a lack of confidence to deal with difficult people.

Research by Lominger in 2009 shows the strongest weaknesses of managers and executives are:

• Conflict management
• Confronting direct reports
• Developing people

How much money is your company wasting with inefficient employees and disgruntled colleagues by not helping line managers to have difficult conversations?

7 Reasons why people find difficult conversations difficult

Tackling difficult conversations can feel like walking a tight rope. Reasons for avoidance include:

1. Lack of time
2. They are not enjoyable tasks and we feel better doing things we like, especially when things are tough
3. It is human nature to like being liked
4. Awkward atmospheres at work can be unpleasant at the best of times
5. It is easier to avoid things we like than tackle them, especially if we are not measured or rewarded on them
6. We don’t get taught at home, school or college how to have difficult conversations
7. Worry about legal implications

When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take, choose
the bolder – W.J Slim

6 Negative business impacts of failure to have difficult conversations

Failure to do this one activity has huge costly consequences:

1. Paying a salary for an absent member of staff off sick to do nothing and add no value to the company
2. Increased stress and likelihood of illness of team members
3. Management time ‘holding the hand’ of poor performers with them having less time to spend with other members of staff or time to focus on important not urgent factors which make all the difference to success
4. Employees being promoted when they don’t possess the capability, blocking the prospects of demotivated talented colleagues
5. Recruitment cost of replacing talent who leave disillusioned and the time and cost of them getting up to speed before they perform, plus management time recruiting and training them
6. Employment tribunals from avoiding problems which end up in court with legal costs and management time to resolve

Helping people to feel comfortable about having difficult conversations is budget well spent because the opportunity cost of ignoring this issue is massive.

12 Tips to have successful performance management conversations in difficult situations

1. Prepare key points to get across
2. Practice what you say and how you say it
3. Honour the person and comment on the behaviour
4. Give clear specific detail on what isn’t being done currently and what needs to be different with clear timeframes and review meetings to track change
5. Give positive feedback on what is being done well by the individual
6. Help them to see skills and qualities they have to successfully enable them to tackle the issue
7. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person to see how the information is received and give an example of when you were on the receiving end yourself of not performing as you were expected to in order to build rapport
8. Develop your emotional intelligence, empathy and rapport skills – remember only 7% of communication is the words that are used, and your body language and tone and pitch of voice have a huge impact on how the information is received
9. Give specific examples rather than generalities so that the recipient can understand
10. Don’t delay conversations – bring them up just after they have happened so they are fresh in their mind and use a coaching style of management to help them to think about how they can approach things differently
11. Offer support to help the person to address their performance e.g. mentoring, coaching, a book etc
12. Always be fair and be aware of your own values, beliefs, bias and prejudice

Remember that just as when disgruntled customers are handled well they become more loyal to the organisation giving positive word of mouth, the same applies to employees. Being a boss is a bit like being a parent – you need to have clear boundaries and tackle unwanted or undesirable behaviour or chaos will ensue! Not only that, having a successful outcome from tackling well a difficult situation will give you a high like no other – a reward for your courage and you growing as a person!

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